So much to give, so much to hide

"11It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” Ephesians 4:11-12 NIV

How often do you meet a person and you just feel that he/she has so much to give and contribute to the community? Maybe the person has the talent in singing, dancing, writing, speaking, or leading to name a few. The talent to sing songs of praises. The talent to dance in praise. The talent to write and encourage. The talent to lead people to focus in Christ.

Do you hear a calling to serve in a ministry? But you just ignore these callings because you have too many excuses. You don’t have time. You are tired as it is. You are shy. You don’t want to accept that you have gifts. I guess these are my excuses.

I find it funny that I often cry out to the lord asking Him what is His will for me. I find myself not having a purpose. I find myself just coasting in life not doing anything productive. But I realized that He has been calling me to ministry for so long. I just didn’t want to surrender myself to Him. Because I don’t have the time, I am tired, I am shy, and I don’t want to accept that He has given me gifts. It has always been about me. I would accept to a certain extent that He did give me abilities and talents. I just try to keep these to myself waiting for opportunities to use it for my own benefits. No wonder I find myself unproductive, because it was always for me.

I accept I have a passion to serve. But I am reluctant to accept that He has given me the gift to lead. I used to be part of a discipleship group in a church, which focuses in making disciples. I knew I was being molded to lead a small group. I got scared. I got scared of the responsibility. Sadly I alienated myself from the discipleship group.

Fortunately, God is never going to give up on me. Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”

To my personal dismay, I know my discipler consistently encourages me to write, sing, speak and lead. I know my discipler prays for it as well. Guess what? One day I lit up like a light bulb. It took me by surprise. I was disappointed with my attitude, and I wanted to repent. I want to worship and praise Him more than I have ever experienced in my life. But something was still preventing me.

I am sure that it is not because “I have no time”, “I am tired”, “I am shy”, and “I don’t accept I have gifts”. I added something to my list. I didn’t want to be the center of attention. I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I deliberated with God intensely asking Him if this is really what He wanted for me. He spoke to me. “Why are you afraid?”

I was afraid that they would find out who I am. That I have not given up my vices, even thou I proclaim myself to be a Christian. What if they found out that I haven’t successfully kicked the habit of smoking? What if they found out that my mind would still entertain impure thoughts? What if they learn about my past mistakes?

Then I remembered a time when I was asked to give a testimony in a retreat. I remember clearly that I was reluctant to give that testimony for I have sinned against the Lord. But the Holy Spirit inspired me that I am the best person to give the testimony. I was reminded that it wasn’t about me, but it has always been and always will be about Him.

“10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10

When you are weak, God becomes strong. Don’t let your past pull yourself from worshipping. God gave each one of us unique gifts. These gifts are meant to glorify Him. Tama na ang hiya hiya. Hindi ito ang panahon na ang isipin mo lang ang iyong kahihiyan at sarili. Let God use the gift He gave you. Let Him bring out the full potential in you. You don’t know your full potential until you let Him show you. Let God show you. I know I will continue to surrender myself to God. Let this writing only be a start. I am very excited that I have finally accepted that I would start my life journey with Him. I am excited to learn more about myself as He teaches me. I would like to encourage you as well to surrender all your fears, and learn to trust Him even more.